writing, writing, wrating, wcrastinating, procrasting, procrastinating.

Yesterday was a glorious day in Winchester: the clouds had dissipated, the sky was beautiful blues and there was an airy breeze that was a nice respite from the weather I'm used to back home. I never really get to appreciate it because I usually keep myself locked up in my room scrolling through vast pictures of men, hipsters smoking (men) and meme's (hahaha, no I just look at men) on Tumblr.

So I go out with my housemate, bask in the weather and get on planning my novel; and it was great. I got some ideas, character appearance  setting and considered different influences for my characters, plot and the like. Fantastic! So I think I'm going to start writing today, but I think 'Well, no point if I'm going out tonight, I'll definitely work on it all day tomorrow.'

And guess what, guys? I did SWEET FUCK ALL.

I've been sat, stuck scrolling through Tumblr and music videos and impulse buying Azaelia Banks' weird new track 'YUNG RAPUNXEL' (or whatever it is) and now I'm procrastinating even further just by writing this post.

Here's a picture OF A HORSE.

Seriously though, I'm finding it bloody hard to actually motivate myself. I've got this great idea and it has so much potential so unfortunately, I've just let myself do other menial tasks in order to not do it. Why, do you ask? Because I've been struck by a lethal case of self-sabotage.

I mean, why write about it if its never going to be as good as it is in your head? Why present it to everyone else if it may not live up to my expectations? Its like a baby that is ready to be born and I think 'wait, stay in my uterus! I'm not ready for you yet!' - Thankfully I have neither a baby or a uterus, or a vagina otherwise that would be some crazy shit. But if I can't 'birth' my idea, so to speak then it just builds up and up and feels ready to burst from my head.

So the best thing I can think of, and it scares me a bit and I'll panic and cry and whatever, is just to let it happen. Write it out. If I don't exorcise this baby it'll become a demon and, I don't know, make me use ouija boards and like country music or something.

So here I go. To Tumblr. Tumblrrr, Tumblriting, triblriting, wriblrting, writing.

Routines, Twattiness & Sleep.

Its difficult to resume a routine once it has been forgone. During the holiday periods I frequently find myself roaming around the house saying 'I have nothing to do', 'I'm bored', when in actual fact I have so many things I need to get done. I take life for granted a lot; I watch TV instead of writing down my thoughts, I obsess far too much over social situations than what I'm supposed to be reading and dream far too much about the future when I should be living in the present. Becoming entangled in fantasy, its easier to forget about reality and even worse, it makes me feel like I've already achieved half of what I want. It's fucking ridiculous that I should be feeling so gratified when in actuality, I've managed to accomplish nothing more then coming up with an idea and never putting it in to action. Procrastination and I seem to be fantastic friends at the moment.

Sleep and I, are not.

Although during this Semester, I've managed to try and progress from the immaturity I possessed in my first year. Finishing assignments hours before the deadline, skim-reading and leaving writing full of the most ridiculous mistakes is not something I want to take in to my second semester of the year. I've managed to miss out on firsts several times throughout my first semester. If I had taken the time to do that extra proof-reading or plan in advance, perhaps my marks would have been made up, but I'm still in awe that I can stream-of-consciousness an entire assignment within a night and manage to make it sound cohesive.

It also makes me wonder; why do we congratulate people when they announce something fantastic they are working on? 'Congratulations! Your half way there!' or 'Thats great, keep it up!' can be reinforcing to some people but for me, its a gold medal. I feel that if and when I decide to vocalise my plans for any creative projects I should be hounded by Goblins. Whenever it happens. So even if its just a conversation with my parents or a passing chat with an estranged friend that I'll be reminded that I still have far to go.

Coming up with an idea isn't a half-way mark; its a start. Its a slow start, but one at that. I won't belittle the fact that I may have come up with a great idea, but I think I shouldn't absorb all the attention and disregard the product. Its becoming so familiar that laziness has just consumed me. And frankly, I just want to eat some decent food and get cracking on some work.

So tomorrow I have a plan which could either go one way or the other. I'm not going to list it here in fear that the goblins won't actually appear (or may do), but I feel as if I will have to uphold my promise and write a blog post.

Oh now and I'm going to leave you with a rather amazing song that taught me a lot about Fruit & Veg. I know all the words and no, I am not ashamed.