I didn't want it to end. This is the first time in my entire life I've enjoyed and appreciated my education, that I've felt bad for missing lectures (well, some of them) and been just down the hall from 40 friends. The weather was beautiful, the nights out relentless and I've felt some kind of metamorphosis, a raw sort of change, begin to kick in. The way I've perceived things and integrated things in to my work has shifted, some distorted and some focused like I'm looking through a new pair of spectacles.
Now I'm back to living behind a Dementia Care Home. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends here, I love that this place made me who I am, but Winchester is the apple of my eye now. I have opportunity, I have freedom, I have help for my mood and most importantly, responsibility. We're all given responsibility by our elders at some point and when I turned 18 I was pretty much given it all. No more 'go to bed early', 'back by 11' and the like, but always within reason. I guess I still live under my parents roof so I can't expect to be getting at 6PM and lying around in my own filth, but when I got university I realised I really was looking out for myself. It was very much 'here is a budget', here is your food allowance for the week, here are your fags for the week... and oh, here's your workload. sort it all out!' and originally, I was really overwhelmed. I had real problems with keeping my mood swings under control, keeping a tight reign on my money and also the units of alcohol. I demolished money to keep myself in a good mood and completely, irresponsibly, blew £700 in a month. I had to learn quickly that my actions had major consequences and that there was no safety net, no guiding will-o-wisps if I lost my way.
I'm sitting here typing, still in awe. I've still got many things I want to do, to see and to write before my three years and I've come to the realisation I achieved less then I wanted. So I'm starting a list, a plan if you will, comprising of all the things I didn't do, the things I want to do and things post-uni. Comprise a plan. I've always believed life is random and guided by chaos and having a plan just ends in disappointment, but perhaps I should experiment and give in less to my impulsive side.
So yeah, I've finished my first year of uni. I've got a smile on my face, a tan on my arms and a million little thoughts that are bubbling to the surface. A million little things I want to achieve.
