Its day one of Semester two. I'm officially over halfway through my degree. It feels like it hasn't been long since I started and in reality, its true; I'm halfway through my second year and in the coming months I'll be making some massive decisions about my future. I haven't even had my first class and images of the future are flickering in the forefront of my mind like a broken projector jumping between hazy possibilities of where I'll be going. There's no signposts, no path laid out by some friendly deity and no tour guide to show me where I need to go. Where do I need to go? Where do I want to go? I often find in the early morning, especially when I'm feeling under the weather, that the nagging at the back of my mind that was easy to dispel has pushed its way to the front of my mind, refusing to relent and unphased by my attempts to cast it out.
The roundabout of roads becomes overgrown with flora that tower oppressively far above and space feels claustrophobic, tight, compact, sealed off. Walking any direction brings me back to the same place I started. Trying to purge the thought makes the hedges burn bright and fierce. I feel like my lungs and time is the smoke waiting to snuff me out.
And whilst this array of choices becomes a raging internal battle, the snow is falling softly outside. The cold is seeping in and the chill is the lick of nature trying to lull me into a respite I've been seeking for hours and hours and hours. The hours that pass feel like they have stealthily sneaked away to some unknown shores and the unknown shores are where I'm currently treading water. The maze becomes the sea and the sea becomes me. The sea swallows me up and the maze is still me.
No comments:
Post a Comment