Resolutions.

They're defunct but we still love them. Later, we abhor the decision of ever writing them in the first place. Yes, its Resolutions; a ritual we mentally go through at the end of each year to try in an attempt to rectify our poor decisions. It doesn't always work too well, does it?

I was very tempted to experiment and write five resolutions I'd make, but fuck that. No. I'm smart enough to know that I won't be able to keep them.

I guess as human beings we want to prove to people that we are able to overcome our flaws and mistakes and that we are perfect beings? Correct. However, its impossible to completely overcome our flaws or stop feeling anxious about things. Its just silly.

John Sublime said "Every diamond has its flaw." (I'm pretty sure its New X-Men #117. Maybe. Or 118) and do you know what? I agree. We all try and fill the cracks and iron the creases but it doesn't work. There'll always be one anxiety we'll hold on to and never let it detach from us. And if we keep swimming in them, we'll eventually drown.

I remember when I was younger making all these 'I'll do my homework more often' or 'I'll treat Mum nicer.' and I think unless you truly mean it, you'll never actually achieve it. I wrote fleeting thoughts down and thought if I vocalised them that the changes would be instantaneous and I'd be reaping all this mental gratification from thinking of them. Actually, here is a list from my 2009 one (intended for '10):

o Write a song for Kitty/Kat.

o Shout from the rooftops something about myself.

o Be less petty.

o Accept unfortunate circumstances.

o Stand up for myself and other people more.

o Try and smile every day this year at something.

o Keep with FUEL and do whatever I can~

This one in particular I understood. And funnily enough, I did actually fufill most of them (the rooftops one was dumb and I never did it). However, why did I need to use the end of the year as an excuse to write down something fucking hints? Why didn't I just learn whilst I lived? If I couldn't think of any reasons why I lived my  life 'wrong' then there is no need to start writing a list in the first place. I mean, if you cut yourself open whilst cooking you wouldn't say 'Oh I'll put a bandage on it next year' (unless it is perfectly timed at 23:59:40 on New Years Eve, in which case, FUCK YOU), you would deal with it immediately. I think as a society we need to stop being dependent on things like this; we just need to take them as they come.

This year, for example? I said to myself I needed to do more work for my course. How did I do? Well, I've got two of my highest scoring grades since I started, managed to write 20,000 words of my novella, dealt with my major anxieties with my future and managed to find ways to deal with stress. Yes guys; this all came from me just thinking 'maybe I should do better'. I mean, if I had waited till next year, what would have been the point?

So people - yay or nay to new years resolutions?