less doing, more nothing.

So I'm breaking my vow of trying to write about my influences this week to write something a little more relevant at the moment. I've always found that whenever I announce 'I'll do x/y/x' that I'm less likely to achieve what I set out to do, a thought that has been consuming me over summer.

When I started University I made some great friends early on, some of whom I'm living with this year. We went out dressed as cartoon characters, decked our livers with shots of absinthe, had quiet movie nights where we all snuggled up or cigarette stained conversations out the front. In retrospect I had a cracking freshers and I don't regret any of it the last minute nights out or in. But looking back is important to look forward and I've managed to discover one consistency:

Procrastination.

It gets us all, its been getting me all week, and I've found its possibly one of the worst problems I had, and still have, as a student. Its that nudge at the back of my head that says 'Hey, wouldn't that assignment go well with a vodka shot?' or 'Oh go look at Tumblr, come on, you'll be five minutes tops!' and eventually ends into a gravitation towards decadence. The work piles up, the panicking starts to give way to frustration and the end point seems so far, so transient it doesn't seem worth it. So again, the only natural thing isn't to do anything about it, but to do the exact opposite

This didn't help that my moods were already reaching incredible lows during my first semester which caused me to drink excessively, become impulsive with money and end up finding getting out of bed and going to lectures an impossibility. And it was then that it began to seep into my own life, passionately corroding any of my remaining willpower. The worst thing is, its happening right now: even trying to write this bloody blog post is requiring more of my attention then I'd like to think. 

As to how it come around? I'm not entirely sure.The funny thing was I'd never been this bad before; although I naturally plan then write last minute in college I'd been punctual, hard-working & rarely neglected my projects. Distinctions across the board gave me the equivalent of AAA and I was so chuffed because I earned it. I worked my fucking arse off to get to University and even though I got a 2:1 this year, I look back at all the half-arsed paragraphs of waffle and the nondescript words and obscure references I popped in when I was drunk and just cringe.

Really Josh? Really?

So if theres e thing I'm doing this year to prepare myself? Keep my goals to myself in my (yet-to-be purchased Paperchase) notebook. Keeping them under lock-and-key so that everytime I feel down, low or wondering why the hell I should be reading an obscure poem by some obscure poet, reminding myself of what I can be, what I was and how easy it is to forge my own future with my own hands.